Easter Sunday

I had a really great day today. We went to mum and dad's house. My sister in law and her partner were also there.

We had beautiful lunch and dessert. The roast lam was so juicy and tasty! We talked all afternoon, shared photos of mum and dad's Tasmania trip and our China, Singapore and Malaysia trip, over a couple of drinks, laughing...I was so happy. I finally know what a happy complete family is like.

I feel truly blessed to have such wonderful parents in law and sister in law. Thank God for letting me have the sweet family happiness, which I always longed for.

thank God it is weekend!

This week has been very stressful!

Ti's mum passed away. Ti has been away for one and half weeks. I had to do all her work. I had to run the office by myself, when Vit went for medical appointments and the funeral this afternoon.

I felt very sad, when I heard Ti crying on the phone. I started crying when I heard the news that her mum's brain was dead and the hospital had turned the machine off, leaving her body breathing by herself. I knew, at that time that she's gone.
But when you think about the good side: she has had a good life, with eight children and twenty-two grandchildren. She had a nice daughter, who has lived with her for 46 years.

I have not managed to achieve my work target yet because of all these unpredictable changes. But I have done a fair bit work; I should be happy with myself.

This weekend is going to be busy too. We have a birthday party to go to tomorrow...
I hope I can find enough time for CPA study, and also for relaxing.

At least I try to enjoy life as much as possible.

I am back from holiday!

We are back from holiday on the 26th. I started working today. It was not too bad. Although there is a lot of work to catch up with, I somehow managed to take it easy. I felt quite relaxed, perhaps still in the holiday mode, have not switched back to my normal working mode yet. They did not help me to do any of my work when I was away (except those statutory requirements that were due before I came back）. My boss always believed that I can do it. So I can.

It is still pretty much a mess at home. I did some cleaning, but there is still a lot to be done. Cos helped me with some laundry yesterday. It was good. He is very helpful.

Soon I will have to start my 2nd subject of the CPA programme. I am not in the study mood yet. But time went fast. I have to catch up somehow. I'd better start studying this weekend. I don't want to put myself in any trouble or too much stress due to lack of time later.

Now I got Cos' bad habit. I think about work even at home. There is just too much to do. And you can never finish everything.

Stress!!

God bless.

I am going home

I am going home next week, with Cos. I am very excited. I feel restless. Soon I will see those old beautiful faces. Yummy food. I could almost smell them now. I dunno why, sometimes I feel it is easier to be myself in English, although it is my second or used to be the third language. Maybe it is just because my English is not good enough for me to hide anything from myself yet. I don't need to hide anything from others, simply because I cannot be bothered; and also I have nothing to hide. Sometimes I cannot believe how blunt and straight I have become. Sometimes I try to be a little bit more political, but it is not really my way of living. It is too tiring. Maybe that is why I love Australia so much. I don't enjoy the life in China where people have to wear a mask all the time, sometimes even when they are with their friends. I am not saying Chinese people are fake. I just think that China is a place where it is hard for people to be themselves. I have read lots of stuff from Chinese people's blogs. Many times they are worried about stuff which will be considered as non-sense here in Melbourne. They have to put up with so much shit in their daily life. I feel truly blessed that I have found Australia as my new home, a home that I have chosen for myself. I feel so sad when I think of the nice people in China, who cannot live their life as they wish, who have to put on a mask and do things they do not really want to do but have to. A simple example is social drinking. Drinking for me is a very enjoyble experience. Talking with friends while drinking is a wonderful thing to do after work or on weekends. But in China, many people have to drink for business sake. People in every country drink for business sake, you may say. The thing is in China people have to keep drinking to give other people "faces" even they are just about to throw up. And this does not only happen in business meetings, but also in friends' parties. I feel sad, when I see stories like this. Drinking itself is to get the true you out of you, to feel the best you could feel, to throw up the worst you have been hiding from everybody including yourself. I drink because I enjoy it, not because somebody wants me to. I guess it is really wonderful if you could be yourself and do what your heart desires and go wherever you wanna go. So next week I am going home, where I came from, where I was brought up; with Cos, to see that place again; to see what has changed since last time I left?

Cos - my lovely hubby!

Cos
I can tell you
You are really funny
You are talking non-stop
singing along
with some stupid love songs
keep annoying me
no, I mean interrupting me
from writing my thing.

"do do do do"
You go
You are talking like a little baby boy
Your lovely cute smile
hehehehehehe
"I will fuck you until you die,
and bury you and kiss this town good bye"
That is really bizarre
but we really like it

Cos I will love you till I die
I think that
without you it will be the end of the world
it's silly
but
just let me love you till I die.

I need to do something SERIOUS

I need to do something serious
I have spent too much time on Sohu blogs lately
browsing, browsing, browsing...

There are too many interesting people out there
too many moving stories out there
too many beautiful pictures out there
You just CANNOT have it all
NO, unfortunately NOT

It is time to do something SERIOUS
Seriously, I MEAN IT!
SO... What is life all about?
working, working, working...?

and APPARENTLY that is not enough!
YOU THINK you have worked hard enough?
No! NEVER!
You still got to study the whole lot of shit........
to get the BLOODY CPA qualification
for the better future.
BUT what is BETTER? What is a BETTER FUTURE?
WHAT is it all about LIFE?

I AM a bit CONFUSED...

I Am Single

It is nice to be single. I can give you an example. I met a friend from India this afternoon in the city. He just got married a few months ago and now his wife is pregnant. I could see how happy he was when I asked about his wife and future kids. His smile was very beautiful, I would say. So I guess, there is one thing good about being single: you have too much room to dream for your future happiness.

It is nice to be single. I can give you another example. I met an aussie guy on the street the other day while I was walking to my aunty's place. He stopped me on the street and asked whether I was from China. I said "Ya", and he said, 'I studied in Beijing for three years.' And then we started to talk in Mandarin! How cool is that, and we left phone number to each other. He is a drum player and said he would like to go to some concerts with me. I said "maybe" and smiled. And today, he called back. So I guess, there is one thing good about being single: you never feel guilty when you talk to strangers on the street and go out with any guys whenever you feel like.

BUT you know and I know, it is BAD to be single.
In example one, you find out that relationship is a lie and marriage is a prison.

In example two, you find yourself fall in love with a guy you originally just wanted to have some casual fun with.

WORST of all, it is always true, that you don't want guys who want you. You only want the guy who doesn't want you.

After all, it's all your own fault. STOP DREAMING!

Random Talk

I met a woman on the train. She dressed in black but looked sexy. She started to talk to me. She told me she lost her mobile phone on a taxi and couldn't get it back, and she lost her job two days before that. It was on Thursday night that I met her. She fell out from the stairs on Monday but didn't get hurt seriously. I listened with great empathy. It seemed to me that she was looking for some comfort and confidence in herself. So I told her. 'stay positive, don't put too much pressure on yourself, things will get better and you will be fine.' I told her, 'you look good', when I felt that she might started to lose confidence in herself, and my compliment worked obviously. After she got off the train, I was thinking, how lucky I was. On Tuesday I just found a new job. At the time I met her, I just had great korean food with my friends in Carnegie. I also felt warm when I was thinking of someone. But life is strange, as it usually is. Something changed that night, after I made a few phone calls. Right now I feel hollowed. But it might not be bad after all. Cos you never know..

Adult Survey

She got a strange phone call tonight. It was a man who was doing a special project. He asked whether she could help with the project. She wondered how could he have ever got her phone number and even known that her name was Shmily. "So what is the project all about?", she asked. He said, "Oh, it's all about sex." She was shocked and her face turned red all suddenly. "So how can I help you?... I mean, why should I help you?" she asked. "Oh, we are working in the sexual industry. Some adult website and publications, media want to do a survey for your age group. And they are paying for you to do this." "Oh really?" She smiled. She was thinking that sometimes she had to pay to talk sexually with a man on the phone, but this time she would get paid for it. "So how comfortable will you be to talk about such things?" The man was asking. She smiled, "I will be OK." That was an interesting talk, for Shmily.

Things are strange in this world, don't you agree?

Stars and Diamonds

When we were 18, we fell in love;
we used to look at the shining stars together.
He told me he wanted to give me a star.
I said, "I feel I have got everything when I am here with you."

When we were 23, we looked at the sparkling diamond rings together.
He told me he wanted to give me a wedding ring.
I said, "It doesn't have to be a diamond ring, as long as you love me."

When we were 28, he told me he fell in love with another woman.
I said, "What can I say, if stars and diamonds have lost their meaning?"

When Henry met Diane

He happened to pass by the Cafe when Diane was sitting there. He was attracted immediately, not by Diane, but by the music. It was some sort of music that can bring you to your childhood memories and make you sensitive or sad somehow. Henry went into the Cafe and sat at a table near the window. After he ordered a coffee, he suddenly saw a girl's image reflected on the window. She was sitting there quietly, with one hand on her chin, thinking something. He turned his head and saw Diane. She has dark brown hair till her shoulder, which looked very tender in the orange light. Something touched his heart, when he saw that tiny little smile on her face. She looked so vulnerable, like really fine porcelain. His coffee come, when she stood up. The coffee smell was mixed with her fragrance when she passed by his table. That was poison she was wearing. He felt suddenly lost something. Yes, the Cafe was called "Loser's Paradise".